How To Get A Mud Bath

The Warrior Returns

When you think of a mud bath you might conjure up thoughts of a fantastic weekend away at some health farm.

Well let me strip those thoughts from your mind and let me tell you that you dont need to visit a health farm you can easily get a free mud bath just by trying to lock the Geese up here at Smallholding Tips.

Let me begin. A couple of nights ago I was a little late locking the animals up, it was about 11-15 and I said to Sharon I am just going out to lock up the animals and put the birds to bed, wont be long.

I went down the drive and into the paddock where the Geese are as I got to their shed I thought something isnt right.

As I shone the torch into the shed I started to panic when I noticed the Geese were not in there.

I immediately thought the fox had been as the geese always go in the shed when its dark. As panic set in I started looking everywhere for them, then after about 10 minutes I heard a noice coming from the pond.

The pond edges have been left to grow wild to encourage wildlife so the pond is somewhat hidden. Anyway I shone the torch onto the pond after fighting my way through the rushes and there was the 2 Geese.

I tried to move them with a stick but no joy, and after chasing them round and round the edge, still no luck. I was beginning to lose patience and as I got somewhere near them I tried to jump on a little island but slipped and went straight into the muddy water which was like quicksand.

After a lot of choice words and much huffing & puffing I managed to climb out the pond and headed back to the house.

My wife and son came out to see what was going on and just burst out laughing. I then had to strip off naked in the freezing cold before She Who Must Be Obeyed let me in for a bath.

After a good scrub I then went back out and with the aid of a long pole I managed finally to get the Geese off the pond and into bed.

I then did the rest of the animals & birds then headed up to the house for a much needed beer.

Christmas is Coming

Christmas is coming but the lead up to it for me is not going to be pleasant.

She Who Must Be Obeyed has laid down the law and said she wants the house renovations completely finished by Christmas. She has only been waiting for 6 years so i thought surely 1 more year wont hurt, but Sharon does not see it that way and says she is fed up of living in a cave.

If Im honest I want to get the house finished as much as Sharon does, but dont tell her that.

When we moved to our Smallholding 6 years ago the house was in need of complete renovation and initially I took all the walls back to the bare brickwork, had all the damproofing done and also had the whole house completely rewired.

On taking down the kitchen and lounge ceilings (of which there was 2 plasterboard ones and a lathe and plaster one) I revealed the original wooden beams which were in great condition. Inside a crevice I found some old newspapers dating back to 1847 so that gave us some indication of how old the house was.

On seeing the beams Sharon said she wanted to see them exposed so I could JUST PLASTERBOARD INBETWEEN THEM.

I have had several plasterers come to give me a quote for this but none of them have wanted to take the job on. Sharon says I am a carpenter I should be able to do it myself. She is right I can do it, so that is part of my Christmas list, which is as follows

Board inbetween beams and skim in lounge & kitchen ceilings
Fit skirting in lounge
finish fitting log burner properly
box in pipes in lounge
repaint lounge
completely refit bathroom including new suite, shower, tiling etc
finish painting upstairs
strip paint off stairwell & wax
fit lounge & bathroom doors
carpet upstairs when work is finished (stone floor downstairs)
finish refitting kitchen including making canopy for extractor
Several other minor jobs and also some Ive forgot.

As you can see Im going to be a busy boy and my life will be a misery if I dont finish all the jobs.

Roll on Christmas